The internet beings that Ali and I are, we decided to live blog our road trip home from New Jersey to Houston. The following is our trip. (Most posts by me where posted by Ali as I dictated.)

Saturday

Posted by Mike:
In my parents’ driveway about to head home to Houston.

Posted by Mike:
Almost 12 miles in the wrong direction. Passing parents house again.

Posted by Ali:
Are we there yet? Mile 45 of 1500 I asked Mike this question. Then proceeded to sing Staying Alive really, really obnoxiuosly loud.

THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUN!

Posted by Mike:
Mile 58: Pennsylvania.

Posted by Mike:
MILE 108: Just passed Shartlesville,PA. Laughed like a 5 year old.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 148: On the Hershey Highway, Hershey, PA

Posted by Ali:
Mile 154: Small detour into Hershey, PA. The lamp posts are kisses and I’m standing in Chocolate Ave. Heaven.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 156: Found a Dunkin’ Donuts in Hershey! I am a big nerd.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 222: We’re in a tunnel. Blue Mountains, PA.

Posted by Ali:
Welcome to Pennsyltucky.
Mile 328: Driving for miles and miles seeing lots of trees and mountains with an occasional smattering of houses, gas stations, cows and Donut Connections. I have no idea how people function like this. This is some country bumpkin bidness right here.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 349: Making Ali turn down her Justin Timberlake at the tollbooth because I don’t want this guy to think I listen to this crap.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 357: No, I’m not eating at something called “The cookery” all lit up like the bastard child of Christmas and Las Vegas in the middle of BFE. I have, like, 1300 mliles left to go. I’d like to do it without a serious case of the poos.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 366: We’re on a bridge.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 407: Welcome to West Virginia. Wild and Wonderful. Yes, the sign actually says that.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 421: Ohai-o.

Posted by Mike:
(Almost) Mile 521: Missed our goal of reaching Kentucky for the night and we’re spending the night outside Columbus, OH.

Sunday

Posted by Mike:
Mile 542: WAFFLES.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 542: Having breakfast at the friendliest Waffle House I’ve ever been to. They sing HELLO! in unison when someone walks in and everyone is overly nice. BONUS: Most everyone has their teeth!

Posted by Mike:
Coffee run for Ali.
Bonus: You can see a very excited Ali in the bottom of this picture.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 542: Canadian treats in Ohio!

Posted by Mike:
Mile 647: Filling up just outside Cincinnati.

Also Midwest, what’s up with the Arby’s at every exit on the highway? Gross.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 657: Rainy Cincinnati.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 660: I hear Deliverance in the distance… Welcome to Kentucky.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 758: Ironic tourist “Hi Mom!”

Posted by Ali:
Mile 843: Anyone got an ark we can borrow? Driving through the beginning of the apocalypse heading out of Kentucky and into Tennessee. This rain is seriously messing with our driving mojo. Any minute now I fully expect to see a cow floating by.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 892: Every exit is either a Cracker Barrel, Arby’s or Waffle House.

Or adult stores. For the Bible-belt, you guys sure like your porn.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 911: The Colonel Is Ashamed. I see a Kentucky Fried Chicken sign. In Tennessee. Not one in all of Kentucky.

Even the namesake state knows that’s some nasty shit.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 912: Stopped at McDonalds in BFE, TN and this cat perches on the curb staring me down like I have pockets filled with Meow Mix. Mike rolls down the window and it meows at us and continues to stare. Like we’re on it’s turf.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 955: Ima die in Tennesee. Driving through devastated Nashville getting turned around by water and down trees. Passed by cops escorting military humvees. The apocalypse is upon us. But, for our dining needs, we have convenient Arby’s and Waffle Houses on every corner. Praise Jesus.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 992
Got stuck outside of Nasville, TN because of biblical flooding that closed major highways. We are taking a detour through Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana home to Texas.
Ugh.

Monday

Posted by Mike:
Mile 1048: BRB, refueling.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1061: Almost got ran off the damn road by an ice cream truck. The driver was too busy talking on his phone to see us.

I would have fully expected free ice cream for life as part of restitution.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 1070: Welcome Alabama. And NASA…? At a rest stop?

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1116: Lunch.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1301: Welcome to Mississippi. Mike says Mississippi is cool because it has “pp” in the spelling. He’s 5.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1507: Awww, mah sha! Bienvenue Louisiana, home of my people! Ima try to make it to Best Stop in Scott for grateans and boudin.

Mike says that I started talking a bunch of voodoo gibberish as soon as we crossed the border and doesn’t understand a word. He needs to learn.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 1560: These are Ali’s people. Stopped just outside of Baton Rouge at a gas station to use the bathroom. I go into the hot, moist bathroom and am greeted by the smell of death and swamp-ass as some dude craps with the stall door open.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1571: If I had a nickle for every Waffle house, Arby’s and Cracker Barrel we saw on this trip, I’d never have to pay for gas again. Ever.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 1586: The Mississippi River. It’s big.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1615: Whiskey Bay off the Atchafalaya River Basin. I grew up fishing, riding 3-wheelers and drinking beer at a very, very young age there. My dad, his dad and all of his brothers hunted there. We had a big camp that slept something like 20 people there and we’d spend weekends and holidays there in the Spring and summer. We had chickens, duck, geese, quail, turkeys and peacocks there. I loved that place.

Posted by Mike:
Mile 1650: In Louisiana they call this “food.”

Gross.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1651: Enjoying Best Stop grateans (cracklins) both eating them and grossing Mike out.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1752: THE LONE STAR STATE. Just passed the “El Paso 857 miles” sign. I love how ginormous and awesome this state is! I need to live here in order to have space to house my attitude and sass.

Mike says sometimes even Texas is too small for that.

Posted by Ali:
Mile 1865: Home sweet home. Walked to find flowers from our landlord. How awesome are they? We may live here forever.

Now, my bed is hollerin’ for me. Night, y’all!

Posted by Mike:
Mile 1,865.4: In our driveway in Houston.

—

That was our trip. Tennessee ate up a lot of valuable driving time (about 3 or 4 hours of drive time) that made our trip so much longer and we didn’t get home until 10PM on Monday night.

Tuesday was a long day of work. Wednesday will probably be just as rough.

All in all, we had fun driving. Just like when we did this drive four years ago when I moved to Houston. We’d do it again in an instant, we just wish we’d have more time to go slowly and be able to stop along the way and enjoy some of America on the way.

Friday night was the opening of the 600 sqi mi: Hidden exhibit featuring two of my pieces.

First off I want to thank Ali for pushing me to do this and everything else she does for me, my parents and Aunt Michelle for helping me with the framing costs and Steve for always being willing to lend me his cameras.

When we first walked in I saw my first photo, “Happiness♥” was in a prime spot right at the door. From that moment on I did not stop smiling. Seeing something that I did hanging in a gallery with 60 other equally incredible photographs is an awesome feeling that I can’t even begin to describe.

It was a great night put on by the Houstonist and Xnihilo Gallery (pronounced na-hi-lo). I can’t wait to go back to the gallery when it isn’t crowded to really study each image.

There are a ton of pictures from the event online, here are some links to them (make sure you click through the sets and galleries):

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Hey guys,

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog here and there’s probably a good reason for that. I have ideas for this space but I lack the motivation to start them now.

I’ve got a few plates in the air keeping me busy for probably the rest of the summer, plus my birthday and a week long trip to Jersey with a few days of vacation down the shore but come the fall I really hope to ramp up and put my ass in gear and pump out some projects and some blogs.

Meanwhile, I am still on Twitter. You should follow me.

I also post on Tumblr. It’s a blogging site that I should probably blog here instead but with Tumblr I know I have a community I’m a part of. This is just me and Ali and my mom who read this. Oh. And the porn spammers. I am glad I have them reading my blog.

Anyway. Tumblr is where I share all the things that I find online that are funny, cool or something that speaks to me. The posts are quick and dirty and little thought goes into them (unlike something I would post here.)

So with all that crap, just follow me there at Tumblr until I get my ass in gear and figure out my game plan for the Danger Blog.

Um. Later.

6,456 is the number of miles that I have flown between Tuesday and Thursday last week. Houston to an overnight in New York. Back to Houston. Houston to Los Angeles and back to Houston in a day with filming customer videos in between all the flights.

We lucked out and flew home from L.A. first class, a nice treat after all that traveling and work. Now I don’t know if you picked this up from my awesome blog title but I’ve never flown first class.

First off we had to run to the gate because we took a detour on the way back to the airport to try In-N-Out Burger which was a worthy risk. But I did miss one of the best parts of flying first class which is looking down your nose at the lowly peons as they brush past you in a huff to get into their teeny coach seats while you stretch out in an extra wide seat while shaking your empty whiskey glass at the flight attendant for a refill. The sounds of the ice cubes clinking the glass rubbing in your superiority even further.

Secondly, I thought that warm towel thing was just a joke in movies. It’s not. It’s so not. And the towel was so warm. So refreshing.

Then came the dinner options. Yes, options. Wow. First option was some shrimp pasta thing. Second option was a roast beef sandwich. From what I could see the shrimp pasta thing had no pasta. Which I thought was weird. I got the roast beef. Which was as good as any kind of airline food-first class or coach. But the thing about this meal was that it was served on a tray complete with a table cloth, single serving salt and pepper (in actual shakers) and real honest to goodness silverware. Couldn’t that be used as a weapon for terrorists?

Lastly the flight attendant kept refilling my glass, (yes glass with an etched Continental Airlines logo) with Coke so I was all hopped up on sugar and caffeine all night and kept Ali up all night by talking about everything and everything and everything and everything and well… everything.

Or as Ali would say I say it, “Kawffee Tawk.”

The other morning Ali looked at me all sad and pathetic and asked me to go to H.E.B. on my lunch break to get her a pound of coffee because she was all out. Ali likes the Breakfast Blend, and to her the H.E.B. kind is the best.

As I walked around the plethora of whole bean dispensers looking for Ali’s magic Breakfast Blend beans I noticed a weird middle aged man staring at the bean grinder. Intensely. And at that moment I knew he was going to be trouble.

I found the mystical Breakfast Blend beans and filled up a pound bag and walked to the grinders as far away from the weird dude as possible. But they were for hippie organic coffee only. So that meant I had to go stand next to weirdo goober person.

“Hey. Getting some coffee?” he observed annoyingly.
“Yeah. Looks that way.” I say with as much jerkiness that I can muster.

See, I hate small talk, especially with strangers. I don’t like talking to a lot of people I actually know, why would I want to talk to you, old weird dude?

“I never liked coffee all that much.” He followed up with.

And at that moment, I knew that I had been given the opportunity to screw with this guy.

“I can’t get enough of it,” I said, which is a huge lie because I hate coffee. But hey, any chance to screw with somebody, I jump on it.

“How much does a bag that size last you?” He asked, pointing to the one pound bag in my hand.
“Hmmm. About 2 or 3 days I guess.” (It lasts Ali 2-3 weeks.)
“Wow! You must drink coffee all day long!”

These types of people always find Ali and I. They want nothing to do but talk our ears off and we have no idea how to stop it. Most times I try to ignore them and move on as fast as possibly, but I think from now on I am just going to engage them right back.

And have fun with it.

(Also, any of you on Tumblr? Add me. http://hellamike.tumblr.com)

In a totally obvious move, Ali tagged me. Way to be original.

Some of these things you may already know, but it may be new to others. So deal with it.

1. Since I mentioned Ali, I’ll start with her. With us. Ali and I met on the famous internet. We didn’t officially start dating until after we met in person at an event, but we met online nonetheless.

We spent a hard year and a half living half a country away, her in Houston, me in living in New Jersey and also going to school in Connecticut. We got together as often as possible, almost once a month, sometimes a little more time in between. We talked everyday, and all night on IM, and we never went to bed without talking on the phone (thank goodness for in network calling). It was very difficult, but I feel it strengthened our relationship.

After I finished college I moved to Houston to be with Ali. I never imagined myself moving out of Jersey, except to maybe New York, or maybe California, mostly for work reasons. I miss it a ton, but I love Houston, and I wouldn’t change a thing that has happened to Ali and I over the past 4 years.

2. Another thing about Ali and I. We have our dream wedding planned out. Down to just about every minor detail. We know the theme, the colors, how the invitations will be look, the save the date, the music, the venue (for both the ceremony and reception, both are totally bad-ass and totally us),  even the production of the wedding DVD (I am a video editor after all.) EVERYTHING. I don’t want to go into details because we mostly want it to be a surprise.

Oh, also? We’re not engaged yet. We don’t know when this wedding will even happen. Or how we will pay for it. Anyone have an extra $12k laying around?

3. I am a music and movie snob. But I list Metallica as one of my favorite bands (even current stuff) and Field of Dreams as one of my favorite movies. So how seriously can you take me?

I hate just about every song on modern radio, the only thing I can really listen to on the radio for any length of time is classic rock, and then it’s still repetitious and boring. But it’s not just the music for why I hate radio. I also hate what big corporations have done to radio.

To most people I listen to some really odd stuff at times. Bands like Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Secret Chiefs 3, and many others, but I also love a lot of mainstream music, too. Just not pop radio filler bull shit.

Also, I hate Green Day more than Nickelback and Creed. Combined.

4. My wardrobe is very small. Ali has been trying to get me more clothes ever since we started dating, and I have. Just not nearly enough. I only have 2 pairs of jeans, some dress pants in black and khaki and only enough everyday shirts for one week. That means I need to do laundry every week. I do have a lot of dressier shirts, but I really don’t wear them unless we are going out. My work is very casual. I could probably show up in pajamas and no one would say anything. If I had an office job I would definitely dress up more and have more clothes.

My wardrobe has grown over the last four years, and it will continue to grow whenever we have money to blow on it I do, however, have more shoes now, then I’ve ever had at one point in my life. I have sneakers, Sketchers bowling-type shoes (one pair with laces, another that slip on), black dress shoes, brown dress shoes, work boots, and I think that is it. Oh and slippers. I love slippers.

Ali has tried to get me into flip flops, but I hate them. I got a pair for when we went to Mexico, but I hated them. They didn’t stay on my feet at all. I had to make fists with my toes to hold them in place when I walked so I didn’t kick them off and fling them.

5. I’m terrible with money. Terrible. If I have it, I spend it on crap. I’ve gotten better, mostly because we’ve been broke for a while, but I have been getting better. Ali and I have both clamped down our frivolous spending. I wish I could say we have a savings because of it but it mostly goes to bills, bills, and bills.

Oh, also, bills.

6. I’m stealing one of Ali’s things. We’ve decided that we really don’t want kids. But whenever we see our niece Madeline she almost convinces us to change that decision. She is adorably cute and is a ton of fun. Well, until it’s diaper time. Try being in the same room as one of her shitty diapers. No thanks, kiddo. Uncle Mikey is going to sit that one out.

I mean, how can you NOT love this kid: Playing Pbbbt!, baby belches, and cookie munching. More are here.

Ali and I are going to focus on being the best aunt and uncle that we can be to Madeline and all future nieces and nephews. I’m hoping for a nephew next.

7. As you might be able to tell from the above, and an earlier comment, I am a video nut. I am an editor/producer, and not only is it my career, but it is my love, and it’s a hobby that I do a lot. Ali got me a Flip Video camera for my birthday last August, and it goes just about everywhere with us. You never know when I’ll break it out, either.

We make videos every Christmas of us decorating our tree, and I get a lot of messages starting in October/November of people that just can’t wait for it. Whenever we go out for a night on the town, there’s a video. Whenever I get a brilliant new idea for something, there’s a video. Going to a ball game? New video. You get the idea.

My YouTube page gets updated pretty regularly so check it out. http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=hella81

So there are my seven things littered with some pimping. Don’t like it? Deal.

I’m not tagging anyone, so do this if you want. If you don’t, I don’t care. I’m over it. And you. Jerk.